The Transformation 02: Focus


Note: This is the very first post of the series The Transformation. Major background information regarding especially organizational issues are covered in the (introductory) post of this series.

Only a few short-lasting moments with my previous ex-girlfriend about two years ago made me feel more satisfied than at present. Although “at present” definitely doesn’t mean “today” because yesterday was quite terrible. But let’s start with the general context.

With respect to the course of an imagined life quality curve I can say that despite major struggles in my life my current living circumstances are the best I’ve experienced so far. And although inner pressures drag me down to my knees several times a day, I hope to find methods to prevent these situations or diminish their effects on me.

Time shift: let’s jump to now again to elaborate why focus on key elements is important.

Setting a focus

Slowing down and start anew

It’s a Sunday noon, 13.47 o’ clock, I sit in a city park beneath a tree, only a few meters from a large pond with ducks and people around them; it’s warm and I witness the moments. Thoughts spin chaotically in my head, I catch them and write them down.

To continue: It seems necessary for me to decelerate my life.

Nearly anything mustn’t be done now, the majority of our felt duties are based on our expectations of ourselves and what others think of us. Even for major life fillers like the workplace we have to admit that to some degree we actively chose what we have to deal with. Often, we have options (some have more, some less) to do something completely else instead. Many things will continue to work or can be started or built on other days, too.

I realize that my biggest stressor is myself. Yet it’s important to do the right things in key situations, to not back down and to take the initiative. No worries for repudiation. No worries for tomorrow. Often everything will work out if you just concentrate on the important things.

You can build frameworks in which you can act in. You can get a different job or enroll in a major at a university; therefore, you might move to another city and join clubs. For the first two, much of how you spend your time is determined. The latter two hopefully offer nearly infinite options to build your personal profile and life, especially in participating in situations with other people.

But doing the right things

You can persevere good outcomes of nearly any situation if you think hard about positive ways to interact. However, this effort drains your energy, especially if you’re more introverted. Thus, it’s crucial to assure your energy level to always be loaded to a certain degree to always be able to shape moments in a positive way.

To always dispose of sufficient energy it’s necessary to generate it in your daily routine or at least don’t drain it. If that’s not the case, joyful activities and repose become important to guarantee attention in key decisions which can influence your well-being tremendously.

If you do not take care of your energy, you’ll probably fail in these key situations. This will diminish your perceived pay-off of your overall efforts and might drive you insane. A good example may be to loose a long-lasting partner. While the departure is hard to deal in any way, self-centered reproaches, e. g. to not have used all available energy to safe the other person, can make your life even harder.

Things that energize

Good things

In your everyday life it can help to recognize little things to be happy about. Joyful emotions can brighten your mood, and so I focus on my surrounding and immediate previous events. The result: a short list with things that delight me.

  • I have a Sunday off without duties and I spend my time with good weather in a nice park.
  • Right before, some acquaintances kept conversations with me.
  • It’s not only important to receive, but also to give love. Fortunately, I was able to send a message full of thanks to a person I admire.
  • Despite little sleep, I’m glad I woke up early and used the morning to write down my negative feelings. They concluded with a slip of hope that lifted up my head a little bit. Ironically, the reason for this transition is already obsolete, but it helped anyway.

Note that I went backwards in the chronology. The next step brings me back to yesterday.

Bad things where the good has to be distilled

Despite the fact that everything around the concert was terrible, I got on a roll during the gig. There are only few things that make as much fun then to stand in front of even a small crowd and play music you like to play. These moments saved my soul for several years and have become the main reason why I play in rock bands.

Unfortunately, I still don’t know how to behave when I hit rock bottom. Oddly enough, I can’t remember any group I was part of which didn’t cause troubles and drained my energy. I admit that I sometimes contributed to these developments. Yet I often wondered if I’m the main stressor or there always were other members which strained the inner ties even more.

Anyways, in this moment I realize I need to investigate my shares and I’m thankful for this hint.

And I’m also thankful for the cognizance that I can sit in a city park and light my soul. I don’t have to travel a thousand miles for it.